What's yours called ?

The idea of  'Humanising' your car seems like a daft one for Sian, now many people have names for theirs, i do not, neither does Sian, although I think mine is a 'she'   This lead to a thought, ok, if you did name your car what would it be?

"Zippy" proclaimed Sian after about 12 seconds of deliberation. Lots of thought went into that...not!

I however gave it much more thought....'J LO' I thought was the perfect name for her.
And why is that? asked Sian, well it is because my car has a big arse just like J LO.


No more explaination required.

I Am A Crisp Monster!!

OK, I know this is another food related post, but it is honestly the most discussed subject between Sian and myself. A daily discussion as to what is on the menu for lunch always ends with me saying 'balls to it, i'm off to Asda!' Today was a choice between chicken(Sians favourite) and sausage, we lolled at the prospect of me buying a Cumberland ring and a 4 pack of muffins to create a delicious sausage butty for myself. Now someone at Asda must be tapping into our Skype convo's, as I approached the warm food counter I noticed a new sign on the top. "Cumberland Sausage Barm, £1.30" it was a sign from the food gods themselves.

I ended up with 2 southern fried chicken fillets :) and they were awful. Learn to trust the food gods I say, should have had the Sausage butty!

The Girl With The Golden Dragon Menu Tattoo

Ahhh, Black bean sauce! said Jin Choi Su from behind the counter at Sians local Chinese take-away, as he squinted at her new tattoo on her left upper arm. But which meat would you like? Sian rolled up her right sleeve to reveal yet another tattoo.......BADGER!? asked Jin. Facepalms insued from everyone, yes, Sians new tattoo had been mis-spelt. I'm afraid the symbol for badger and chicken are very similar in Chinese, said Jin woefully.
         Sian was so embarrassed, but I am afraid this is what could happen when you get a 'tat' from a one-eyed man in the back streets of Ipswich! Not a big lover of tattoos myself, unless it is very tastefully done of course, and on the back of Megan Fox!

A Trifle Deffo!

What makes a trifle? Well ask Sian and a trifle can be one of numerous things. I believe a trifle consists of jelly, cream, custard, fruit and sponge. This is the basis of my dislike of trifle...."well dont have the sponge in it then" says Sian. But then it's not a trifle? or is it? It has to be called something else, if it is just jelly, and cream and custard...it's not a trifle, the trifle must consist of fruit, and also have the soggy sponge in the bottom.....y u k.

“Don’t believe the haters … All food is good”

My question , why cant all food be good for you , I mean its just not fair – why is it that if I was to eat Kfc and subway everyday I would end up being about 20stone compared to if I ate salad. Well Apparently according to the wonderful world of Bryan we’ve got it all wrong and we’ve all been brainwashed by these ‘diet experts’ and eating pizza , chips and burgers everyday is fine.
 His argument for this is that its just scare mongering and they need to sell fitness DVD’s somehow.  I say so why is it then that there are all these obese people waddling around eh eh??  To which he replies .. They have other issues, its hereditary; they were born to be fat! 
Not down to the 6000+ calories then Bry?? There was  no witty comeback to this, so its official – if your fat its not because its in your DNA its because of the 5 doughnuts you have for breakfast each day !

Rather eat dirt? Well Worms do!

Coffee , its like marmite I find – you either love it or hate it. I Hate it. Fact.  Gives you bad breath , stains your teeth and its just dam right manky . Bryan Again disagrees with this, I said I would rather eat dirt, bit of a bold statement yes, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to say.

Bryan was having none of it, and eventually got me to confess that no I wouldn’t eat dirt if my life depended on it and in fact I would drink the coffee. I still argued the fact that there isn’t much difference between the tastes, if it’s good enough for the worms. Worms don’t eat dirt, they don’t have mouths … Err yes they do Bryan, and I even have the photographic evidence to back it up. So Ha in your face I’m Right ( for once )  Worms do have mouths..

YOU BET! Only without Mathew Kelly

It was a miserable January morning, the excitement of Christmas just a distant memory, decorations had been removed, presents all but forgotten about, and the lingering feeling of eating too much was ever so present. Bryan and Sian were discussing the vast amounts of calorific foods and drinks they both consumed over the Christmas and new year period, Bryan blaming the festivities for his alcoholism admitted that in one sitting he had drank his way through 15 cans of lager 10 bottles of beer and a partridge in a pear tree …couldn’t resist, Sian was not much surprised at this shock confession as she’d always wondered about Bryans ‘drinking problem’ but that’s another story.  Alcohol was not the only problem that Christmas brought about, for Sian it was the vast amount of delicious foods.  Turkey, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing, Trifles, chocolates, creams, cakes, sweets to name but a few.  So as they both sat at their desks, rubbing there swollen and bloated bellies wondering if they would ever see their shoes again that’s when the idea for a bet was created. Bryan would have to be alcohol free for a whole month and Sian takeaway free for the same time. Foolishly they both agreed to this, what some would say crazy idea, the forfeit being a massive £10.

The first week flew by easily enough, both in high spirits in being able to complete this mission effortlessly. Bryan not yet getting the shakes was quite impressed with being able to walk in a straight line for the first time in years. For Sian on the over hand, things were starting to get hard, not only was she having to hide from takeaways at home but also at work.  As the daily breakfast and lunch time clubs were in full swing as others had not yet decided to start their new year diets. As the smell of sweet flame grilled beef and salty chips swept through the building, Sian could all but cry into her broccoli and cauliflower filled lunch box. This was going to be a tough few weeks.

Now, how hard can it be I hear you ask, well you may take for granted your 4am greasy chicken kebab, or a few cans while watching the football, your weekend treat of takeaways and Saturday nights down the pub. Just remember Bryan and Sian were struggling on in the name of well, wanting to beat each other and steal the others money.  Half way through this quest to a better body however, Bryan began playing dirty. Sending Sian pictures of himself at Pizza Hut with his plate piled high, creating a mini leaning tower of pizza, rubbing it in her poor sweet face. Laughing at her weakness of the cholesterol filled food, this only spurred Sian on, and that very weekend she would get her own back, reminding Bryan of the devil juice he so highly missed. Bryan acted like he didn’t care, but deep within him an urge exploded he needed to pollute his body in some way and if it wasn’t going to be bottles of Desperados the only other way was to eat the foods that Sian craved so badly, KFC, Subway, McDonalds you name it at least twice a week a trip would take place to these places.

As the last few days drew closer, the blood shot eyes of withdrawal became ever so present in both Bryan and Sian, their bodies reacting badly to the lack of damage that it was so used to. Surprisingly both had managed to get through January without one slip up (or so they say) On the final day both could not contain their excitement. It was the day that they both had been waiting for. Bryan could finally bring his flask of Jack Daniels back into work and Sian’s Saturday nights of stumbling home with a kebab wrapper could continue.  They could both bask in the fact that they had stuck to their guns and not given in even when temptation was hitting them straight in the face. They were so proud, and so they should be.  J

My spreadsheet is bigger than your spreadsheet :P

OK, so mine has like 1 tab, lots of info, a few formulas, it looks nice, all the info is there.

But oh no! Sian laughs in the face of 1 tab speadsheets, come back when you have 15 tabs biatch !!

Formulas galore, connecting dooferisms, hyperwastit spectaculars all over the place. It is a spreadsheet to behold I am sure of that.


1 nil to Sian in this category........

Sub of the day

Is it habit? or is it just fear of trying something different ? For me it has to be the footlong Italian BMT on an Italian herb and cheese bread. Toasted of course with cheese, lettuce, green peppers, onion, tomato and light mayo, sound nice doesn't it?

Sian has differing views (as usual) chicken with bbq sauce, sweetcorn, red onion, lettuce and peppers for her. I saw someone having that actually today, didn't look that nice, so i will pass on that filling Sian thanks.

One day, i may dare to be different and try another filling, who knows?

The tale of No Butty!

On a usual Friday morning , Bryan and his gang would partake in the buying of breakfast from their once very popular breakfast van . One morning, Orders were placed, people waited anxiously anticipating the taste of the soft runny eggs which would soon be hitting their taste buds . The office jumped for joy when the sound of the butty van pulling up sounded. Bryan ever so excited, hopped skipped and jumped his way downstairs to greet his usually favourite person in the morning. Bryan strolled into the office and handed orders out one by one, Kelly’s, Carolyn’s thingamabobs in the corner and few others who have names which I don’t know. As he reached into the bag to pull out what must be his … all his hand hit was air and empty space. His stomach dropped, his mouth went dry, they had forgotten his butty. Bryan was close to tears, he turned away from his colleagues as by now they had all but ravished their tasty morning treats. But no he would not let this beat him, forcing back the aching need to sob he got onto Skype and vented all his frustration to his trusty friend Sian. Who was more than happy to suggest some ways in which to pay the Butty lady back for her incompetence, as she obviously couldn’t read her own writing! Headlines would read, mysterious butty van explosion, I like bit butties and I can not lie, where is the butty?? Dude, where’s my butty? To name a few... But Bryan’s favourite was for the butty lady to head butted < lol I know I’m so funny … with a caption of... Get it right next time.. Bitch (ever so inventive I know but little minds and all that)...  With Bryan laying one foot on top of the poor yet stupid butty lady and with at last the illusive butty clutched in his mouth while doing the evil muuahahahah laugh.

thanks to Sian for this tale.

Exploding Pram

My tale of Airport woe highly amused Sian. Unfortunately for my them 9 month old son, it was not as amusing.

The pram my son was in at the time seemed to cause the security some concern, we were completely at a loss as to what the problem could be. It was then revealed that the pram had traces of explosives on it! we were quizzed as to where the pram had been kept. Well it wasn't in a bomb making facility that was certain!!

After much interrogation and the unloading of our luggage off the plane, we were finally let through to carry on our holiday, luckily they didn't find the TNT in my rucksack !

Is oil and water THAT important ?

To run a car, I would say yes, yes it is.

It must be great to be oblivious to the needs of running a car. It's hard to not stereotype women for this failure, but Sian is I am afraid a typical woman when it comes to car issues. God help her if she breaks down or needs a tyre change. I am sure a man will come to her aid soon enough.....

Poor old Sebastian

Dancing On Ice this week was a bit of a sad episode. well for Sian it was, she felt so sorry for French 'Freerunner' Sebastian Whateverhisnameis.

This was brought on by his own stupidness in forgetting his steps. Now forgive me for thinking he should be a bit good at remembering such things as this is surely what he has to do when freerunning ?

And Sian totally messed up her argument when revealing he played a part in a James Bond film.....hmm, wonder if he had to 'remember' anything during filming that ?



I will have to say yes he bloody would have!  :)  Bye Bye Seb, better luck next time.

ps Sad to see Heidi go out...

Just what is that 'Special Sauce'?

I think Sian was put off Ainsley Harriot cup a soups for life when it was announced (by me) that they taste so good because of Ainsleys Spacial Sauce that goes into each and every sachet.

Now Sians rude mind started working overtime, and this lead to her vowing never to touch an Ainsley again.

Ahh well, more for me........Broccolli and Stilton......

A Bargain? Really

A recent trip to a new Home Bargains proved quite the talking point with Sian.

She really did put a dampener on the excitement I had about finding such 'bargains' when Sian revealed that the Mug Shots were in fact 3 for £1 in Tesco, this was too much to take and I was desperately searching for at least one purchased item which was indedd a bargain.

The heat pad was a success! Sian agreed it was a 79p bargain and she would welcome one as a present!

Do dogs have elbows ?

The elephant is the only animal in the world that has 4 knees. Sian dissagreed however, "what about a dog then? they have 4 knees surely!" I suggested she had a look at a dogs hind legs, this went down well at her family home when she began to inspect the family hounds rear legs, much to his disgust i would imagine!